How Secure Attachment Can Change Your Life (and Your Wallet)

Money attachments influence every behavior and decision we make relating to money. Understanding your unique attachment type and how to work with it can drastically improve your financial situation, as it did mine. The four types of attachments are:

1. Anxious 
2. Avoidant
3. Disorganized 
4. Secure - See Below

Secure Money Attachment is the goal. When you have it, even surprise expenses (like a sudden plumbing bill) don’t throw you off. You handle money calmly, without stress or shame. You argue less with your partner, shop less out of boredom, and stop obsessing over what you have or don’t have.

Secure Attachment Behaviors

• Money is just a tool. I view money much like the scissors in my junk drawer. I don't obsessively think about them when hidden from view, wondering if they'll be there when I need to open a box. They have zero impact on my day-to-day happiness. They make my life easier, yes. But they serve a very specific purpose, and I don't lend them any more energy than that. 
• Emotions don't run the show. Fear, shame, & denial are the most common emotions I see in my practice. When paired with money, these emotions tend to be a leading cause of high levels of debt and partner arguments. The secret is neutrality. To neutralize my emotions, I do a few 6-12 breaths before looking at my bank account or opening a bill so I feel less charged, and my heart isn't racing. If it turns out I've received an unexpected bill, my thoughts are clear, which better enables me to problem solve. 
• Avoid obsessive account-checking. I used to confuse my net-worth with self-worth through obsessive account checking. If my net-worth dipped below a certain level, it would negatively impact my mood throughout the day. That's a pretty volatile game to play considering the market fluctuates all. the. time. If this resonates, try replacing your daily habit with something healthier or setting a recurring reminder (weekly or even monthly) to review your accounts.
• Balance is key. Hoarding cash comes from fear; emotional spending comes from trying to fill a void. Both undermine long-term well-being. Seek middle ground where intentional spending happens alongside saving for financial goals.     

Forming a 'secure attachment' with money takes intention and practice. All of us have money traumas. Awareness is the first step towards enhanced well-being. 

If this feels like more than you can handle on your own, consider working with a professional to address deeper patterns.