Rebuild Self-Trust: Overcome Disorganized Money Patterns
Money attachments influence every behavior and decision we make relating to money. Understanding your unique attachment type and how to work with it can drastically improve your financial situation, as it did mine. The four types of attachments are:
Disorganized Money Attachment
People with this attachment type practice contradictory financial behaviors. For example, depending on emotions they may spend impulsively one day, then try to control every cent obsessively the next.
This may be your attachment type if you:
- Start and stop different financial strategies (e.g. budgeting) without follow-through
- Spend erratically thinking it will disappear if you don't
- Give minimal attention to your financial future outlook
- Have unused or underutilized accounts sitting around
- Experience self-loathing after poor financial decisions
- Practice financial infidelity (secret spending)
What's going on?: Disorganized money behaviors often stem from inconsistent and unpredictable caregiving in childhood, leading to deep mistrust in both oneself and others when it comes to meeting financial needs. This results in suspicion and guardedness around money.
What can we do about it? Building trust in ourselves and others is hard work, especially around sensitive topics like money. Here are some starting points:
- Compile Evidence: To counteract self-doubt and mistrust, write down real-life examples where you managed money successfully (like paying off a bill or budgeting well). Reviewing these examples can help reinforce your ability to handle finances and build trust in yourself when doubt creeps in.
- Build Trust: If you struggle to trust a partner financially, find ways to increase financial transparency. Try scheduling regular 'money meetings' to check in on spend patterns, celebrate small wins, and reduce avoidance.
- Practice Emotional Awareness: Daily mindfulness techniques like journaling can help identify patterns (i.e. mistrust around money) and their emotional triggers.
- Automate: Set up automatic contributions to a savings account. If left untouched, this money will serve as an investment in future you.
- Professional Support: If this feels like more than you can handle, consider working with a professional to address deeper patterns.
