The Transformative Power of Gracious Receiving

Think back on a positive Christmas Day-memory when you were a kid. You’re ripping presents open with reckless abandon and realize you got exactly what you’d asked for. There it is, sitting right in front of you. It’s all yours. Can you see it? 

 

For my sister and I, this was a Mattel Barbie dream house that was as many stories tall as we physically stood back in 1990. It outshone everything else we received that day. From a place of pure glee, I accepted this gift that I’d pleaded with Santa for.  

As an adult I am much better at giving than receiving. Does this resonate? When someone put a nicely wrapped package with a bow on your lap last week, did you hear yourself say things like: “Oh, you shouldn’t have!” “But I didn’t get YOU anything!”?

Did you feel a sense of guilt or shame when opening your gift? A sense that you needed to repay the giver? Was there any emotion other than pure glee? If so, this write-up is for you.  



A few weeks ago, I was on my way to pick up a free box of Farmer’s Dog (fresh dog food) that someone listed on Facebook Marketplace. What her dogs were too picky to eat mine would gladly gobble down. It was enough to feed my 2 dogs for 1 month. The value: ~$300. On my way to pick it up, the narrative in my head was: “What if someone else could use this more than you?” “What about all of the dogs at the animal rescue?”  By the time I arrived at the woman’s house, I almost turned around and went home. Someone else was surely more deserving. 

Then I heard a voice in my head say: “Accept the gift. How can I possibly give you all that you ask for if you have difficulty receiving as small a gift as this?” 

It. blew. my. mind. 🤯 Maybe it’s schizophrenia. Maybe it’s God. All I know is that the voice was loud and clear and not my own.  

This experience got me thinking: When did it become so difficult for me to receive? I know I wasn’t always this way. How can I return to my 6-year-old ways of excitedly receiving without all of the negative emotions attached to the process? 

When I performed the oh-so-challenging but worth-it task of self-introspection, I discovered my struggle to receive is related to a scarcity mindset, stemming from deep-seated feelings of unworthiness. For a long time I’ve struggled to believe that I deserve a rich, abundant life. (Note: If you read that sentence and had some type of reaction or made a judgment, you may also struggle with believing you deserve it) 



This mindset makes it difficult for me to receive gifts because the act of receiving conflicts with my self-perception. I feel undeserving of generosity and have a fear of being indebted to people.  If someone extends kindness in the form of a gift, my ego tells me “Someone else deserves this more” or “You owe them” and these feelings overshadow the joy of the experience. 

I don’t tell you that I struggle with my self-worth for pity. This level of vulnerability is necessary for the message to land with others whom I know battle the same things. Many of us internalize feelings of unworthiness. Sometimes it manifests in obvious ways; sometimes less so. Identifying and combating it requires self-awareness. The purest, most transformative internal growth happens when we’re completely honest with ourselves. 

If you’ve worked with me, we’ve likely discussed the impacts of scarcity mindset as it relates to our ability to receive financial abundance.  

Ways to improve our ability to graciously receive gifts:

1. Address underlying feelings of unworthiness.
   The Worthy Project is a 6-week program to identify where feelings of unworthiness stem from and how to flip the script.
   
   
2. Accept that the act of receiving gifts doesn’t create obligation. 
   The next time you’re gifted something, instead of surrendering to the pressure of reciprocating, say internally or aloud: “Thank you for the gift. I accept and I am deserving.“
   
   
3. Keep a gratitude journal.
   Write down 3-5 things you’re grateful for daily. This shifts our focus to what we have instead of what we lack. 

Graciously receiving gifts requires acknowledgement that we’re worthy.

You are so worthy. 

When we learn healthy coping mechanisms for accepting the gifts that are continually placed in our path, we allow the giver and ourselves to connect with the divine. In turn, we begin to attract increased abundance (including financial) into our lives.